Dec 7, 2013 – 8 weeks since Rosie passed away

Thursday was week 8 and I am sure that some of you were expecting to see a post. It isn’t that I didn’t have something to say it’s that I was not sure how to say it in a way others would understand.

There is a hoarding situation just about 30 minutes from where Rosie came from and a friend has been working to get dogs out of there for a long time. (Mimi, the little dog I posted two weeks ago came from there.) Anyway, Wednesday evening I got a call that the hoarder was willing to let some more dogs leave so I headed out to meet my friend. Although we expected to get more, the woman would only allow a mom and two of her pups to leave. I volunteered to foster them – there’s money in Rosie’s fund to give them a new start in life so it’s the right way to carry on Rosie’s mission. I thought this would be so simple.

The mom is a an eleven pound terrier/xolo mix (she came with the name of Taco but does not respond to it…I’m waiting for her to give me an idea for a new one) but she looks terrier. One pup (Zelda) looks like mom and the other one (Zandra) has a furry terrier head and a naked xolo body (yes, I gave them those names). Mom and Zelda are traditionally cute. Zandra is so unusual looking and has the funniest little facial expressions – she’s fabulous in a very different way. All three are very social and very affectionate. Zelda is happy and carefree; she immediately went to work chewing on the toys and making confetti out of the wee pads. Mom (she came with the name of Taco) is quiet, confused, doesn’t expect any attention so doesn’t ask for it. However, Zandra took one look at her new situation and decided this is where she wants to live. She wore herself out trying to climb out of the xpen to sit with me.

Once I got Zandra to settle down and join her sleeping sibling and mom in the x pen I originally used when I brought home Rosie, I went to bed. I slept for maybe an hour before I awoke feeling as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over me. I was so cold, so sad, I cried until I was physically sick. Every time I looked at those little faces in the x pen, I felt worse. I thought of Rosie and her first night with me. I remembered watching her sleep for the first time on some of that same soft bedding and how I made a list of all the things she’d need to live a good life. I looked at the mom and her two puppies and all I could think of was getting them to the vet and getting them to a foster home.

I work out of the house and because of an upcoming event, Thursday I was glued to my computer and phone working out details which meant I spent most of the day at my desk just inches away from the girls. Zelda and mom were happy in their little area; once again, Zelda was insistent that her place was with me. When I gave in and let her sit with me, she cuddled under my shirt, or poked her nose into my eye, or stared into my face and attempted to hypnotize me with that funny face, she is desperate to be loved.

As sweet as Zelda is, as nice as it is to feel I’ve done something in Rosie’s honor, I had to leave my house Thursday afternoon. I could not mark the eighth week of Rosie’ passing sitting at my desk with Zelda in my lap or even in the same room. When I finally did find the nerve to go back home, I sat up for hours looking at pictures of Rosie.

In terms of my return to fostering hoarded dogs, my reaction is confusing me, especially in respect to Zelda. She is exactly the kind of dog that I generally respond to with open arms. Maybe it’s because she’s healthy, smart, and will definitely find a good home elsewhere, Maybe it’s because I’m not ready to choose another dog, or maybe it’s because I know I won’t – I can’t – love another dog the way I loved Rosie. In any case, this has been a challenging couple of days and I don’t anticipate it will get easier. The girls had their vaccinations, they’ve been wormed, and the next step will be to get them spayed. After that, I need to place them or get them into another foster home because this hurts way too much…

I’ll post pictures of them soon.

In the meantime, here is a photo of Rosie and friends taken just about a year ago…I miss her beyond measure.

Rosie with friends Dec 2012