Feb 7, 2014 – 4 months since Rosie left

On the 10th it will be four months, four very long, sad months that feel more like decades. I’ve missed her every minute of every day. I love this photo because it was one of the first outings we had after she no longer needed to keep her foot bandaged. She was happy and I was elated. That little face says it all…

Rosie 2013- no more bandages

I went to NY for work last week and while everything went well, I felt uneasy the entire trip. If I let my mind wander, I found myself worrying what she thought about my being gone. When I caught myself, I felt so foolish – Rosie’s gone.

Many of you have written with concerns for my health and I appreciate your taking time to check on me. Some of you have suggested I get counseling to help deal with the grief, and I appreciate your concern.

For the folks who find comfort in believing there is a God looking out for us, I envy you. For those who believe your loved ones – including my Rosie – are in some better place, I envy you as well. I was raised to believe that too, but I lost my faith many years ago. Working with animals, trying to save them from human cruelty killed my faith. I can’t believe a God would allow us to do the things we do to helpless creatures or to each other all in the name of giving us free will. I also can’t believe that a loving God would take away someone’s child, spouse, friend or companion because he felt like adding another angel to his collection. How is that a show of love? Why let Rosie come through difficult surgeries and give us all the hope that she was finally over the hurdles and on her way to a good life only to take her away? If you think Rosie is in a better place – I’m not going to argue that with you or anyone else because I know in my heart she’d rather be here with me than anywhere else. What shred of faith I had left, died with Rosie. I’m sad, I’m angry and there is nothing to be done about it.

I don’t want her forgotten, I don’t want her life to be in vain and that is why I am still pushing through from day to day even though I’d rather not. I am extremely grateful to Joy Pedroni who adopted Rosie’s brother Groby for raising $3,200 in Rosie’s name to be donated to the National Mill Dog Rescue. That money will help so many dogs live in the light rather than in dark holes and cages. It’s a beautiful way to honor the light of my life, I am deeply touched.

There is so much pain and suffering in this world, please continue to do all you can to change it…be kind to each other and to the helpless ones who look to you for mercy.
Cinnamon

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